What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
