Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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