watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
