Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
