Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
