oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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