We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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