just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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