I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
