my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And then he peed in my hair
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