Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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