You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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