What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
