My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
