I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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