Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
