Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to make out with him forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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