I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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