woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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