Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
