We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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