cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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