So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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