I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
