people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
