Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
