idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
