First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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