Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
