whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
