u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
