I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
