Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
