i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
