I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
