I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
