I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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