Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
not ubering you a puppy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
