the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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