@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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