mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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