def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
