My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
