There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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