Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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