my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
