Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
