I wish my penis had an off switch
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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