airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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