apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
