Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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