escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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