The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
